What's going on with my hands...

            So I've dedicated the last year and a half to going to the doctors. I came back from China for primarily medical reasons (more on that another time) and because I felt I needed to have more comprehensive medical care than I had in Beijing.  More on that at another time, too, but my health insurance was only good in Asia.

            The most recent gauntlet of specialists has been addressing, since 1 July, the: knee pain; the discomfort that turned into sciatica that turned into a snake writhing from deep in my right butt cheek, eating it's way through my thigh and my already delicate knee, and down my shin and finally sinking it's fangs into the inside of my right ankle; the tingling, then numbness in my hands and fingers, and then pain in my palms and wrists and forearms; the depression--against which plenty of love and help I seem to have minimal defenses--that accompanies my little physical ailments.  It seemed to begin all at once, driving down the M1 in England, when I couldn’t get my hands and arms and legs and hips comfortable. I'm perfectly aware that--in the midst of my troubles, good friends have had breast and thyroid cancer and many others have had health problems this year--there are far more serious health problems people face in the world every day.  These issues, while uncomfortable, don't stop me from taking pleasure in life, don't stop me from traveling, and only stop me from working when I let them.  (Sometimes I'm willing to let them.) But they are besetting and they're getting worse.

           My general practice doctor thought maybe carpal tunnel especially as I came up positive for the antibody. or whatever it is that comes up in a blood test, for Rheumatoid Arthritis.  So he sent me to a rheumatologist, who, after further blood tests for Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lyme Disease, HIV, and half a dozen other things including thyroid, said, nope, no rheumatoid factor.  I'm healthy.  Which in rheumatologist-speak means: "You don't have what I tested you for." He sent me on to a Neurologist (and, you know, "It takes forever to get an appointment with a neurologist.") whom I saw a month later. He said, "Looks like carpal tunnel."  "We'll do an EMG (Electromyogram) in which after determining a baseline of how your legs and arms carry electricity by increasing levels of electroshock up and down your legs, hands and feet, we’ll place small needles in your muscles and determine how the nerves carry impulses down your legs and arms into your hands and feet."  But that test couldn't be scheduled for another three weeks.

            Three weeks later he expresses astonishment that I laugh, rather than jump and groan and complain, when he sticks needles into my thighs and biceps and watches a readout and listens to a speaker track electricity as it works it's way into my fingers and toes.  But then he doesn't know me very well. I told him I was surprised it was the neurologist instead of a tech who was doing this. He explained that it took extensive, particular training and it was hard to learn to nerve impulses.  We had a brief conversation about sex toys.

            "Listen?" I ask.

            "Your legs sounds good."  That's a relief. "Your hands are bad.  Bad Bad,  You have bad carpal tunnel."

            "Let's see if it gets better in a couple of months, and maybe look into surgery."

            "Lets check into surgery now.  I have a $6,000 deductible that I've burned through with these tests, and I'd like to do any further procedures on this year's tab."

            Three days later I'm at the surgeon's. "Well, looking at the test results and the neurologist's report, You have severe carpal tunnel, and the only thing that will relieve it is surgery."

            "It will get better?"

            "No, you already have severe nerve damage"

            "So it will make the tingling and pain go away?"

            "No, it will prevent further damage." He went into a parable about a garden hose (my median nerve) which waters the grass (my ring, middle, index fingers and thumb).  "Your grass is yellowed to brown, almost dead. See that muscle at the base of your thumb?  See how mine's nice and round [he had a nice, round muscle]?  And see how yours is flat?"  He paused to let me ponder my pathetic lawn/thumb-base muscle.

            "Fine." I said, a little embarrassed about my poor gardening/physique.  Will it make the pain in my palm and wrist and arm go away?"

            "No. That's something else.  We can refer you to sports medicine.  It looks like tendonitis."

            "So it won't fix anything except keep the lawn from dying?"

            "Right."

           

            Next day back at the neurologist, the first thing he says is, "Throw away the letter I wrote to you about your issues."

            "Pardon me?"

            "I got the neurologist's report, and just read the first half that said your legs were fine so I wrote to tell you that you were fine."

            "Uhh..."

            "Just throw it away. I think I was distracted.  I guess I'm over-worked.  I only read the first half of the report."

            "Not knowing quite the polite thing to say, I asked him about the surgeon's prognosis.  He agreed.  Carpal Tunnel.  Severe.  No, don't wait." and "No it won't fix the pain or the numbness, but it will keep it from getting worse."         

            So I'm having surgery (not arthroscopic--"more complications") on my left (the marginally worse) hand (hence the insane trouble with d's, e's and c's and pretty much any other letter I type with my left hand)(You should hear what the surgeon said about gyms.)) later this month, and the right hand later in November.  I can't go into the ocean or pool or gym until the middle of December so I'm making up for it like crazy this week. Waah, Waah, right?

            Oh, and to add injury to insult, Rheumatologist said, "You should have taken care of this right away."

            When I said that I'd been trying to see doctors and get appointments and had three MRIs (my spine's worn but in great shape, otherwise, you'll be happy to know), since July 1st, he shrugged.

            And none of the three has an observation as to why or how this happened.  Not their job. Maybe bicycling on the California Lifecycle ride in 2008? 

            "Oh, and no bicycling."